Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Happy First Birthday, Samantha!

Wow! They say time flies, but this year truly soared!

One year ago today we walked into the hospital and our lives changed forever. I can remember very vividly the whole night. In that moment, the past 9 months spent preparing with anticipation did not seem long enough. I was so uncomfortable the last month of my pregnancy and I prayed for Samantha to make an early appearance, but driving to the hospital I remember thinking to myself, "I'm not ready! 9 months? I need 9 years!" The taxi drive to the hospital seems like a blur, but I remember breathing through contractions and squeezing Peyton's hand with intensity.

Was I ready? Will my labor be long? Will there be complications? Will this pain go away? So...THIS is what a contraction feels like. Make it stop. OH, were here! Okay... let's do this.

Bits and pieces of Samantha's delivery were a blur. The pain is vivid. The details are hazy. Everything happened so fast. Next thing I know this squirmy little human is placed on my chest and looks up at me with squinty eyes. Perfect. She is perfect.

 That moment, I hope to never forget. I remember her small body being placed on mine and feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Between my fist pumps for being a superwoman, I was holding her hand, stroking her cheek and kissing her head. All those uncomfortable times during the pregnancy were worth it.

I hadn't even been wheeled out of the delivery room before I was ready to do it all again. That feeling. Its unlike anything else. It is something no one can really explain to you about birth. The pride and amazement you feel for your remarkable body. I just freaking birthed a human. I get chills just thinking about it. The human body is amazing, incredible, and fascinating.

The other emotion no one can explain to you is the love you will feel for your spouse after the delivery. Peyton caught Samantha coming out of the womb, and looking at him with tears rolling down his cheeks with the biggest smile on his face is printed as a polaroid memory forever in my brain.

After Samantha was born there were tears of happiness while we introduced her to our family through FaceTime. It was also special to introduce her with the name we picked since we hadn't told anyone what she was going to be called. The next few days in the hospital were uncomfortable and we looked forward to getting back to our home. We entered our door and realized that we left as two and entered again as three. Things would never be the same. We were so full of bliss for our new little family.

Now, I am not going to lie to you. After Samantha things weren't all peaches and cream. Speaking of cream...my milk took longer than usual to arrive and I was a nervous wreck for about 97% of the first few days. This was our first baby and our families were clear across the world. We needed to figure it out, and we need to do it together. I have never felt more like a team with Peyton as I did in those first few days. Diaper bag warm up- diapers- check! wipes- check! blanket- check! Binkie- check check and check! Go team Buhler, Go!

This year as we have watched Samantha grow and mature it has been fun to reflect on those first few days. I love seeing her learn and discover new things. Just this past week she learned to take steps and say a few words on the very same day. I was bawling with the hugest smile on my face. I know that Samantha has changed me as a person for the better. I am someones Mother. A piece of my heart will forever walk around outside of my body. That is something no one else can explain to you. How did I ever live so long without her in my life?

So heres to you, Samantha. Thanks for letting me mother you. Happy first birthday, Peanut.