Tuesday, July 21, 2015

20 Things I wish I could tell my Pre-Mom Self

I know I only have been a Mom for 15 months, but if I could rewind the world to 2 years ago, these are things I would say to myself... 

 1. All babies really require is diapers, milk, an onesie and somewhere to sleep in. Bonus points if the onesie is the gender correct color, and if the place they are sleeping in is a crib. Anything else is just fancy.

2. Which brings me to my next topic…some days all you need to do is keep them alive. Anything else like playgroups, craft projects, and additional jobs or errands is just excessive and sometimes unnecessary. Samantha will not know the difference between an elaborate Pinterest activity VS. a dollar store toy.

3. A shower will one day be a luxury. Going to the bathroom without anyone in the room will be a treat. And if you tiptoe to a quiet destination to get some alone time…the child will for sure find you.

4. Yoga pants. All day. Every day. 0.01% of yoga actually being done in said pants.

5. Suddenly your television lineup will go from Real Housewives to the Madagascar movie on repeat.

6. You thought you understood what love was until you were introduced to 6 pounds of pure perfection. 

7. Your child’s nap time will be your favorite part of the day. You will sometimes remind yourself (out loud) “If I can just make it until nap time…I can do anything…”

8. Catherine, do not underestimate the power of a 6-month-old bowel movement. That poop punch will destroy your sense of happiness and will burn your nose hairs. You will go through one whole packet of wipes and the smell will still linger for days to come.

9. Laundry will suddenly become a full time job and will require additional technique. Like spot treating a sweet potato mess or pre-rinsing that blown out onesie. Thank heavens for Oxi clean and bleach.

10. You may think you know all the words to nursery rhymes...but you don’t. You need to brush up on those so that you are not stuck singing the wheels on the bus 1,542 times within the first month alone. Side note: Spice girls is not a suitable lullaby. 

11. Don’t wear nice clothes the first 4 months of your baby’s life. It will get spit up, milk, snot, spit up, poop, spit up and tears on them. 

12. You have no idea how much you can get done without getting a full night of sleep. Remember those days where you pulled an all nighter, but it wasn’t a big deal because you could take a nap the next day? That isn’t going to happen again. You will go to the post office, the bank, the grocery store, write a research paper, make dinner and go to play group all on 2 hours of sleep.

13. Stop trying to keep that child clean while she discovers food the first few times. (and every day for the next 6 months). Strip that kid down to her diaper and let her go for it. And afterwards for easy cleaning, let her run around in the backyard while spraying her with the hose. She’ll love it.

14. Teething sucks and you will hate life for about 2 weeks. Every. Single. tooth.  Oragel will become your best friend and you will do anything to save your sanity. This may mean that you give your child a frozen carrot and let her go to town. Don’t think about it. Just keep that kid happy.

15. Don’t laugh at those parents who put their children on a leash. You will one day have a child who will run the other way every time you leave the house.  And don’t underestimate her speed. She is fast!

16. You will love being a Mom more than you ever thought possible. 

17. You should know this, Catherine. The minute you become pregnant you will be getting advice from a dog walker, 1,000 grandmas, the man at the deli counter and every person who sees you. Take all the advice with a smile on your face and the reminder that you will do it your way. There is not ONE right way.

18. You don't think you have many breakables in your house until you have a toddler who finds anything and everything and will spill, break, or ruin everything you have. 

19. Things that you didn't think would make a mess...will be messy. 

20. Last of all…there will be bad days, but honey, there will be good days, too. There will be tears, and screaming but there will be smiles and giggles, too. Look for those moments and cherish them every chance you get. Try and remind yourself in between the 4th load of laundry and the baby food making that you will miss these days in the future. The moment your sweet Samantha starts to discover boys and is developing a sense of independence you will beg to go back to diapers and nursery rhymes. Try and not rush these moments. Toddler tantrums, and all!